Tell them how I am "Defying Gravity"

No. Don't tell them because this movie is not based on the book or the musical Wicked. But rather tells the story of a frat boy who decides to defy gravity, or in another sense, break the mold. Are frat boys really just thick headed, and womanizers? Not all of them

But when you decide to try "Defying Gravity", it may open up a new world for you. In this movie, Griff is coming to terms with his sexuality. He is afraid to defy gravity because of how others will view him, and quite frankly, doesn't know how to deal with it.

This is a cute coming out story that has that student film feel to it. Although it's not a big budgeted blockbuster A-list movie, it does have it's charm. If you can get past some of the acting that is a bit sub-par, and pay attention to the underlying message, you can appreciate this movie.

Pi = 3.147 etc etc

If you are big on conspiracy theories, this movie is for you. You know what pi is. It's the golden number used to calculate the circumference and area of a circle. It's related to the Golden Triangle and the Golden Ratio. After taking Physics classes and my engineering classes, the premise of this movie seems a bit cleaer.

Nature, the world, the universe is governed by numbers. Everything can be translated in to numbers, and with that, there is a pattern. If you were able to figure out that number, you can foretell anything. And who wouldn't want to get their hands on that number?

I appreciate the thinking required in this movie. It really isn't one of those movies that you can just sit through and predict what will happen. It pierces your mind, and forces you to understand...if you let it. I also appreciate the filming style. Shot in black and white, the director is forced to pay attention to the minor details.

If you like indy type movies, check this one out. Although it is an older film (shot in the '97), it's still a pretty good flick.

A Change in Plans..Run for myself

My friend who is helping me train for the marathon advised me that I shouldn't run it, but instead do a race later in the year. As much as I don't like to hear this, I have to agree with him on it. My knee has started to hurt me and it probably is for the best. But deep down inside, I know I can do it. But now I question...why do I want to run it? What do I get out of it?

When I run, I feel a rush to my head. I seriously tune out everything else that is going on and I feel good. The endorphines that my body let's loose has a party in me. I feel alive!

Am I running away or running towards? I am running towards brighter days and to the future. What is left behind is history and I look forward to things to come.

Running reminds me that I am human and limited in my capabilities. It humbles me and tells me that I should listen to my body. As much as I want, it can only do so much at one time; you have to build up to what you want, and what I want is to cross that finish line.

Running is a skill that I want to sharpen. No one can take it away from me. When others say, "You can't do it", or "Are you sure that's what you want to do?", I will just show them the picture of me proud that I finished.

I will succeed!

Forgiveness

I have been forgiven by others, by the one I let go, and by Jesus.

But, can I forgive myself?

Father God, I want to go home. I look foward to when I can be in Your
presence. Until then, I pray You give me strength and courage to
endure these trials and tribulations.

-Ervin A.
Sent from my iPhone

"Adversity is another way to measure the
greatness of individuals. I never had a
crisis that didn't make me stronger."
- Lou Holtz

Regrets

I have my regrets.
I have my times where I think I could have handled a situation better
or in a different manner.

I have my failures.
I have let people down when they were counting on me. I have failed
myself at times. I haven't reached my potential or truly harnessed all
my resources.

I am not perfect. But I wish I could have done things differently.

Isn't it difficult that we make these realizations after all is said
and done?

-Ervin A.
Sent from my iPhone

Hypocrisy

I am a hypocrite that searches for truth and for what is right.

I have one foot in light and the other in dark. My mind is conflicted...

Heaven and Hell : wants versus needs
truth versus lies : blind versus sight

An internal struggle and war are raging inside.

Will ying or yang be victorious?

-Ervin A.
Sent from my iPhone

Funny video

Hahaha I wish I were able to find funny videos like this. I love this!

Lunar New Year

This past weekend marked the Chinese New Year. This year is the year of the Ox which is the 2nd sign of the Chinese Zodiac. It, like the Rat before it, symbolizes new beginnings. Too bad I'm not a Rat or Ox, but a Monkey. I don't really believe in it, but here's my profile:



The spunky Monkey is the original party animal! Charming and energetic, Monkeys crave fun, activity and stimulation. They truly know how to have a good time and can often be seen swinging from one group of friends to another, attracting a motley crew in the process. Always upbeat, they are considered minor celebrities in their circle thanks to their sparkling wit and that rapier-sharp mind. Perhaps surprisingly, Monkeys are also good listeners and tackle complicated situations with ease. This Sign's natural curiosity lends it the desire to become knowledgeable on a broad range of topics. Monkeys have a show-off side that loves nothing more than to dazzle their pals with all they know.

The Monkey tends to be rather accident-prone due to a certain lack of very high morals. This Sign's first interest is pursuing its own pleasure; this is not a malicious interest, it's just the way the Monkey is. However, this kind of carefree self-involvement can lead to all kinds of scrapes. In love, the Monkey makes a fun, exciting lover -- but one that may have the potential to stray romantically. The good news is, the Monkey’s glib manner and witty repartee can often get this Sign out of a scrape. Perhaps not everyone will be won over by the Monkey -- but do you think the Monkey really cares? The Monkey's world, full of devil-may-care energy and revelry, isn't for everyone. Remember, though, it's not that this Sign is mean; it might just be a bit too curious for its own good. Monkeys often feel the need to try everything at least once, which can make for a merry-go-round of relationships.

The Monkey's love of self-indulgence can also lead to other types of trouble. This Sign may have limited self-control concerning food, alcohol and other pleasurable activities. It's party time all the time for the Monkey, yet when it leads to a monster hangover or a shattered heart (generally someone else's, not theirs), this Sign might actually show a touch of remorse. They won't flat-out admit the error of their ways, but at least they'll pull back and try to tone things down -- for a while.

Monkeys must try to learn to think of others ahead of themselves, at least some of the time. This Sign's world will be more complete once it realizes the world doesn't revolve around it.

I'm not Republican....but I like this one

Raise the roof girl! Raise the roof! Glad you're not in the White House with your moose shootin, Maverick loving, Joe Plumber loving ways!

Amor de Hombre

Additionally, I like to watch movies. And yes, I like watching foreign films. There is something about them that is really good. I got in my Netflix Amor de Hombre the other day. It's a Spanish language film about this lady Esperanza who is in love with her gay best friend Ramon. The movie shows how their friendship, although broken because she deep down wants him, lasts hardships. It's a cute movie I enjoyed and if you have Netflix, I recommend it.

I gave it 4 stars!

Final Fantasy 13

If you don't really know me by now, I like video games. Haven't had much time to play them, but I love them. I collect them actually, although I have been getting better at trying to pass them also.

This is a series I love. Most of the games I own are by Square Enix, and I look forward to playing their other games. But here is a trailer I still don't quite understand, but the game looks awesome!

"Long-range goals keep you from being
frustrated by short-term failures."
- James Cash Penney

I subscribe to these inspirational quotes on my iGoogle page. And I got the Blogger widget right next to it. LOL

I like this quote though. Makes you think doesn't it?

"Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run
into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through
it, or work around it."
- Michael Jordan

I like this quote! There are many obstacles that happen in life. This current obstacle I'm facing, I think I walked around it rather than trying to climb over it. Is it the best approach? Nope. But I guess after I got over that obstacle, there was another one right behind it.

Doh!

A Rush of Blood to the Head

"When life's problems seem overwhelming,
look around and see what other people
are coping with. You may consider
yourself fortunate."
- Ann Landers

Today is one of those day's again. Blah! Work! Blah!

At least we are getting pizza today for lunch! Woohoo!

A New Hope

Do you think George Bush was feeling this way on Tuesday once Barrack
was sworn in?

I think Little W was more relieved than anything. LOL!

Babies

What is it about babies that people always flock to them? I for one
love babies. And here is a cute one.

Everyone...Fin....Fin....my blog visitors. This is my co-worker
Nancy's new dog. He's a Smeagle I think; half beagle and snauzer ( is
that spelled right?)

Anywho, he's adorable. I had fun playing with him today; helped break
up the hectic work day. Can you tell I'm a dog person?

Sucess

"Successful and unsuccessful people do not
vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in
their desires to reach their potential."
- John Maxwell

LMAO

Saw this on a friend's bulletin on one of my networking profiles!

Enjoy!

A dedication

I make mistakes; some conscious, some not. I am not perfect nor do I
claim to be. I am far from it.

I do not want to be perfect.

I do not want to hurt others. I know sometimes what I may say or do
may not come off as so. I do what I can with what I have. My methods
may be questioned; my reasonings challenged; my character discredited
or defamed.

My faith and beliefs, my willpower and stength, are always being
tested. I will fail...

...but I will prevail through the ashes like a phoenix.

Damage can be ireversible or it can be healed.

Your ideals have remained, but my image has changed. They have EVOLVEd.

Reconstructed and broken;
I am.
Make me new. Build on a new foundation.

I am sorry for wanting to be free. I am sorry for being lead to
temptation. I am sorry for all my wrong doings.

"Forgive me Father for I do know what I do...and will be my short coming.   It is unacceptable. I will
repent. I will learn, but there are many lessons to be learned. Amen."

Humbled heart, unyielding and fervent love. Those must be acquired.
But I am sorry. This is a soul search. A re-definition of myself that
must be endured and tackled alone.

Hope...to be re-created. I will be re-born:

I am!

-Ervin A.
Sent from my iPhone

The weekend

This past weekend was the last long weekend off for awhile.  Ah....it's always nice to take a break.  But for some reason, I'm always stuck with doing errands.  And now that I'm training for the marathon, there's another thing I gotta do.  But I don't regret deciding to do it though.

A lot did happen this weekend though;  many ups and downs.  With everything going on, it's pretty easy to just throw in the towel with everything.  There are times when I just don't want to do anything, and then there are times when I do.

Blah!

I know what I'm experiencing is nothing compared to what others are going through.  I wish I could comfort them, but there is too much going on; still fresh, still new, still filled with emotions.

Time will tell what happens next.  Let's leave it to that!

Train...train....train...

Today was a pretty good day.  I woke up late (Yes!).  I didn't have to wake up before the sun was able to peek it's head above the horizon.  I didn't have to worry about catching a train on-time, and I didn't have to worry about getting any desk work done.

Nope!....none of that today.  Woke, cooked a delicious omellete, and lounged around.  But then I knew there was something important I needed to do.

I went to Mile Square Park today and trained for the LA Marathon.  I ended up completing a total mileage of 6 miles; 4 miles running/jogging, and the other 2 miles like a cool down and stretching.  This was all done in the span of about 1 hour and 40 mins.  Not bad if I do say so myself.

I was really proud of myself today.  I kept my pacing, posture, and breathing pretty well.  I honestly wanted to do a few more miles but my friend/coach/trainer said I shouldn't.  And glad I didn't cause my knee hurts.

I think I also conked out/napped for about a good 2 hours.  That's how tired I was.  Didn't help I went out clubbing the night before and didn't sleep until about 4am.

Ah well...it's done now.

Fortune Cookie

I had Panda Express today, and this is what my fortune cookie said:

"Adjust finances- Make budgets, to improve your financial standing....in bed"

Doesn't make sense. Go fig!

I don't know

Do you ever feel like you want it all? Do you ever feel invincible,
that nothing can stop you, and you can take on the world?

I feel like that all the time. It's what motivates me and drives me to
be my best. I do what I need to do and I handle it! I look adversity
right in the face and growl back at it. I don't give up.....

.....until now.....

I'm exhausted. I'm drained. I don't have it in me anymore. I just want
to hide. I don't want to deal. I don't want to cope. I want to drown
in out. I want to be numb. I don't want to care. I don't......anymore.

I'm sure I'll bounce back after I recover. Just going to take some
time, a little nurturing. There's a lot to learn still. That's what
life is about. There are lessons to be learned. There are
opportunities to fail; opportunities to achieve.

I got to learn to be humble; not to be selfish. Learn to take care of
others. I'm just afraid of hurting people in the process.

But as one said, "I lead with my heart.".

Can I ever do that? ::sigh::

-Ervin A.
Sent from my iPhone

Lost, and hoping it will all get Better in Time

Lost in time and space,

Trying to answer questions I don't want to face,

My thoughts keep floating 'round and 'round,

They just keep piling up to a mound,

Found, 

I'm afraid I am not,

But left to rot,

I need a shot of something to start it up,

And hopefully there will be something left,

To work on.

I really don't know what I want in life.  These few months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, I've been trying to figure it out.  I can't have myself in two worlds.  I can't be torn between two people.  I have no direction.  I got the keys but no destination to be quite honest.

There are many questions I need to answer.  Many actions that I need to take consequences for.  I think I've made a few decisions, but am I making the right ones?  Will these decisions benefit me in the long run?  Do I give up an opportunity for something that might be, or do I try to salvage remains?  It's hard to let go, but sometimes we need to.  

Do I know what I want?  Apparently not.  There is a plan for me, I just know it.  I believe in it.  I don't know what it is.  But I trust God that it will be good.

It will all get better in time...right Leona?  Some of the lyrics really hit me hard.  Although I can never forget everything that has happened, I do deserve a lot of the flack I've been receiving.  

But have I learned a lesson?  Probably not yet.  Will I? Most likely yes!

I know I'll be alright in the end.  I do believe that people have destinations planned out for them, but they have a choice of what to do before they arrive there.  Am I taking the direct route, or the scenic route?

Welcome to the family!

Say hello to Shayanne.  I think that's how my cousin spells her name.  She is the new addition to the Aquino household, at least on my cousin's side.  Isn't she cute?  She already warmed up to me and I just met her.  Guess I have a way with dogs.  Lucky for her, I like dogs.  Boo cats!

So I've decided....

I think I'm going to hate myself, or maybe even regret it.  But I've decided to train and run in the LA Marathon.  Running isn't new to me.  I did run on the Cross Country team in Jr. High, run around the Rose Bowl (approx 3 miles) at least once a week, and now running a few miles here and there.  So another 20+ miles can't hurt, right?

I've been getting a lot of positive feedback and encouragement to work towards this goal.  I'm pretty excited to.  At this time in my life, what better way than to focus on a goal.

So far, I've already ran 2 miles on Saturday, did yoga on Sunday, and ran another 2 miles today.  Both times were easy, and I was able to sing while training.  My friend/trainer/coach said that is good.  My co-workers are thinking about training for it also, so I have some encouragement there.

Have any of you ran in a marathon?

Joy to the world

Joy to the world, the Lord has come!

When I got home from work today, I received a letter.  I recognized the envelope right when I saw it.  I knew it was a letter from Roberto, the child I sponsor in El Salvador.  He made me that Christmas card that you see there.

It truly is a joy to receive this little reminders that a child is able to live a healthy life because of my help.  It's the least I can do.

Children truly are a joy!  They remind you that things aren't always so bad.  They are so innocent, require all of your attention. 

Speaking of children, I spent some time with my niece.  We watched Sleeping Beauty together.  It was nice!  Now I'm sleepy myself.  LOL!

Continuing about Fear

I saw this inspirational quote and how co-incidental it talks about fear also:

"Most of our obstacles would melt away if,
instead of cowering before them,
we should make up our minds
to walk boldly through them."
- Orison Swett Marden

Fear

"I must not fear.  Fear is the mind killer.  Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will allow it to pass over me and through me.  Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing: only I will remain".

For those who don't know, that's the poem or mantra that Kyle Mclaughlin's character recited in the movie Dune.  It's something I've learned and always remembered from my 7th grade Public Speaking class.

It's something that I've tried to apply in my life; to not let fear dictate my life.  There are so many things in life to enjoy and sometimes our fears get in the way.  There are also so many things that I don't understand, but that doesn't stop me.

I'm at a point now in my life where I have realized that there many things in this life I have yet thought or wanted to do.   I can't let fear keep me from accomplishing that.

One of my most recent fears is making the committment to train for the LA Marathon.  But honestly, what do I have that's keeping me back from that?  Absolutely nothing!  Am I going to do it?  You betcha!  Just hope it's not too late to join a group.  I've received so much positive feedback and lots of encouragement to do it.

I just hope I can hang with it!  Yikes!  I'm scared y'all!

Push it!

"Let no feeling of discouragement prey
upon you, and in the end you
are sure to succeed."
- Abraham Lincoln

With all that is going on in the world today, it's easy to get discouraged and be the victim of it.  Not me.  I try not to let things discourage me.  If it's something I want, then I go after it.  Of course, there are times you have to recognize that you are fighting a pointless battle, and surrender.  But for the most part, I try to live strong!

Resolve to just let it be

So this is the time of year when people make resolutions.  But resolutions to do what?  Some are trying to lose weight, save more money, spend less, donate more.  Those are the common ones.  Then there are some who get really creative like travel more.  That's more like it.

But honestly, as the years have gone by, I try not to make resolutions.  Why you ask?  Mainly because I feel like it sets you up to fail.  Just cause it's the beginning of the year, doesn't mean that gives you license to make a change.  If it were really that important to you, the change or the modification would have been made long time ago, no?

It should be a change because you want or need to, not because it's the 1st of the year.  Sure there are many things that I want to change about myself.  And yes, I fall under those common ones like I mentioned earlier.  Additionally though, sometimes you just have to let some of those changes just happen naturally.  You just have to create the environment for it to do so.

Sometimes we need those events to happen in our lives for a change to take effect, almost like an epiphany or a realization.

There are many things that I hope that I can realize.  And so far this year, I have created that environment.  I just need to open my ears, widen my eyes, shut my mouth, and absorb with my mind and soul.

The Re-Invention Project of 2009

Life.  My life.  Your life.

It's all intertwined some how.  We just can't figure out the complexity of it.

I am a story waiting to be read.  It never ends; always under constant edit, re-edit, copy, paste.

I can never be perfect, nor do I intend to be.  But what is perfect?

Will I ever become the person that I was meant to be?  Who am I supposed to be?

I always want more, but when will it ever be enough?

2008 was filled with many questions that needed answering.  And there were many things that needed or could be changed.

2009 is a chance for me to change; to be a better person not just for myself, but for my friends and for my family.  After all, they depend and count on me.

It's time to re-invent myself.  Maybe buy some new clothes and have a new look.  Maybe evaluate some of my ideals and goals, and find out if they really are going to be attainable.  But what's for sure is my life is my invention.